Let me start by saying that originally I was tempted to write off this marathon as an outlier. With race times illustrating a predictable trend in the good direction, this was a real surprise. Chronologically: 3:17, 3:09, 3:03, 2:58, 3:01...3:22(ouch!). This was my slowest marathon time since starting distance running: 21 minutes slower than last year on the same course; 4 minutes slower than my first marathon at SF (with a sprained knee).
But failure is a major mechanism of learning. To dismiss this race would be to miss an important opportunity to reflect on the cause of the failure (interesting to ASA).
The details.
I start pretty fast (~6:40-6:50/mi), keeping pace with Abe (who ran a stellar 2:59!). But it was smooth and easy. Before half way I knew I was weak. Abe surged ahead. I assessed my condition. I was on pace by the half to break 3:00. But my hamstrings were starting to cramp. No strength to push for a negative split (a temptation). Right patella felt strained. Real trouble by mile 15. Pace slips from 6:52 to 7:30 and slower. I abandoned my ambitions. Lowered the bar. I resolved to enjoy the race. Unrealistic goal by then; incredible pain. Memory of being still qualified for next year's race (from last year) temporarily soothed the ego.
Feelings of dissociation from my body with 10+ miles remaining was troubling. Goal: re-associate with body. Method: Focus on a cloud and count breaths. To each breath 3 steps. Experiment: count to 100 and reassess condition. Result: pace drops to 6:52 from 8:15. Good. Repeat. Goal: attempt to double previous count. Fail at 170; mind unable to focus, eyes saccade erratically. Form akin to running with heavy ankle weights.
Mile 21: pain unbearable. No meaning to suffering. Continue. More. Go. Why? WHY! . . . No more! Cannot.
I had to walk. I Resigned to walk to the end. An agonizing grimace scares onlooking children. Fear noted, grimace removed. Predicted finish time > 4:00 if lucky. A racing mind (a decidedly un-racing body). Self reconciles the abstract notion and implications of walking a race while... walking a race. High bib numbers pass like rushing water. Defeat. Yet kind of soothing. Nothing but a desire to stop. To be done. A compromise: stretch and see. Walk to sidewalk. Lift one leg onto guard rail. Stretch and self massage. Like tetanus. Repeat. Goal: jog and remain upright. Success. -And Pain. Goal: finish with dignity. Method: combine jog with breath counting. The approach works. Breath counts now significantly lower than 170 (30-50 range before having to start over).
Closing remarks. Define and execute only goals with purpose that motivate. Saying NO to say yes is virtuous. Else ad-hoc strings of goals build up aimed at mere damage control - called putting out the fires. This was the overwhelming feeling I had during the race. Oh and the legs. The inherently quantitative nature of distance running makes it an ideal goal-setting activity. But it also can act as an indicator of other things in a person's life. In this case, over committing (6 major undertakings). Do less well. Relax. Abandon previously defined goals when they no longer fit one's priority framework. Don't change the priority framework often.
In retrospect I would still probably have run the race (after all the Boston marathon is a great excuse to see my family). But I would have planned for a VERY slow time, properly aligned with my training load (i.e. low... even for me). And I would have enjoyed the run. After all, running should be enjoyable.
Right?