I was able to get a biopsy scheduled for this wed, the day after Christmas. It’s a balance between getting the surgical ‘b-team’ vs. expediency of getting results fast. I’m assuming this is a routine enough procedure that it shouldn’t matter (this might be a foolish idea and I should perhaps wait for the best).
Those results will gate a second opinion and everything that comes after so I’m biasing towards speed. I’ll meet with the surgeon this morning to discuss details (way to spend x-mas eve, right?). If my spidey- sense starts tingling about some level of incompetence I may delay it or try for another surgeon.
The family is flying to Boston tonight but I’ll plan to stay behind until I get this procedure done. Then hopefully I’ll feel well enough to join them there. Lua turns 2 years old on 12/29 so I can’t miss that!
Either they’ll fly back here or I’ll go there. In this holiday season where everyone is celebrating I find myself both wanting to join in and be festive, and at the same time I feel quite apart, separated from it all. While I don’t feel like celebrating based on the context/seasonality, I do feel a form or meta-revelry. I’m adjusting to different expectations and immersing more fully in the moment. If past, present, future each carried a certain mental weight to them (say measured in terms of time spent in those places, supposing you could) the present is taking on much more weight than it has previously. I’m spending more time there which is quite great. They say anxiety/depression are to some extent related to spending too much time in the non-present and I think there’s something to that. I tend to bias towards future more than past. But I’m spending less time there unless I decide to. This is an interesting lever to try and adjust explicitly. Typically our subconscious holds the reigns but I don’t think that’s the case by definition. I suspect it’s more by default and habit.